Friday, April 12, 2013

Too Much Woman

Yesterday,  I was supposed to get together with a guy I've been chatting online with for about two years. He lives in southern Illinois and coming to see me would require about a two-hour drive. Ever since I first began chatting with this gentleman I have wanted to get together with him. He looks pretty close to my ideal--tall, stocky and with large hands. But there's a problem. We have made plans to get together five times since we first started chatting and every single time we've made plans, he's cancelled on me. Yesterday was no exception. He messaged me saying that something had come up and he would not be coming to see me. That was the whole body of the message: something came up. No other explanation. Before, I had always been understanding because I know that stuff happens, even at the last minute. My best friend in the scene had a top tell her yesterday that he had been in a car accident. I've gotten that one, too but I think, in her case, it was the truth. Anyway,  I messaged him back asking him what was going on and if there was anything I could do to help. I didn't hear back from him for a few hours, which tells me he either needed time to think up a story to tell me or he had taken the time to work on his courage so he could tell me the real reason he didn't want to meet. I wasn't long in doubt as to which one it was. The message came later last night. He said he was sorry for "leading me on", that I seemed like a nice girl (he called me a girl, despite the fact that I'm five years older than he is) but he just couldn't bring himself to meet me. He said the other times he had thought he could get over his nerves (or whatever they were), but he "chickened out" every time. Despite describing himself as a dom, he told me that women made him nervous. He said "I'm scared you're too much woman for me". So there you have it. A self-described dom telling me that he was afraid of the th0ught that he would not be able to handle me; I was too much woman for him. I drank this in. It took a long while because no one had ever said that to me before. What does "too much woman" even mean?

I went and took a hot bath, thinking of the best way to respond to him. Was the comment a reference to my size? I AM a big girl, after all. I'm 5'9" and weigh 200 pounds so I guess some men might find my size a bit intimidating. And we had spent hours talking about our mutual interest in sports, both watching and playing. He knew I was a big, strong girl. The man I saw on the Fetlife profile didn't exactly look like a Casper Milquetoast-type. He looked like the burly ex-college football player he'd told me he was. I had to shake my head. Surely, he would be able to "handle me", as he put it. Or maybe the comment was more a reference to my attitude? I am not a docile, meek little girl by any means. We had talked on the phone enough times that he knew I had no problem speaking my mind. Maybe that was what he had actually meant about "handling me"? Maybe, verbally, he knew he was no match for me? We had never had an argument, but we had disagreed on a few subjects. Although he said he was a dom, I told him in no uncertain terms (like I have had to do many other times) that I was not a submissive and that, if he thought he was going to order me around, he had better go find someone else to play with. He always made it clear to me that that wasn't going to be a hindrance to our getting together just for play. I have played in the past with doms and even masters and they all seemed to be able to put the role aside and just spank me. One man that I played with was pleasantly surprised he could enjoy spanking me without having sex with me. He had never done that before. So I knew it was possible that that might not be the reason either. Although it did occur to me that he was being dishonest. My next thought was that he was lying about being single. He always maintained that there was no wife or girlfriend in the picture (although always wanting to meet during the week in the daytime always struck me as a bit strange). He came across as educated, industrious and financially comfortable; all things that would attract the opposite sex. He told me he had never been married and, like me, was childless. OK, I thought, maybe he's gay. I thought this for all of ten seconds, knowing how much I hate people jumping to that conclusion about me for the same reason.

When I did respond to his message, after mulling everything over in my mind, I asked him one simple question--"What does "too much woman" mean? I told him I always got the feeling that he wasn't nearly as enthusiastic about meeting me as I was about meeting him. I also told him that I had always sensed that I was being strung along, but always chose to give him the benefit of the doubt. I had him to know that I didn't appreciate being taken for a ride for two years. If he had no intentions of ever getting together with me, why hadn't he just said so from the beginning? Was it a question of him thinking his nerves would be something he would be able to conquer over time? Or did he just enjoy playing women for the fool? I haven't heard back from him yet, but I expect that, if I do, the next message should be a humdinger.

So is there such a thing as "too much woman"? I know there are men who prefer their women to be compliant, obedient Stepford wives. But I mean, even the meekest sparrow fart is still a woman, right? Maybe I have too much personality for a man like this? Maybe that's what he felt? I won't know anything until I hear back from him, if I hear back from him. I have never insulted a man's masculinity by telling him "I'm too much woman for you." I have never felt that I'm too much woman for any man. It seems a preposterous idea to me. One thing's for sure--his response will be telling.

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