In Memory of Cigi

Carol Ann "Cigi" Grant
December 31, 1960- May 28, 2010



This is the saddest posting I will ever make. My beautiful twin sister, Carol, known to most of you as Cigi, passed away on Friday. She fought a long, brave battle with cancer, which she documented in her blog. She was 49 years old.

Goodbye, friend, until we see each other again.

Your loving sister,
Cheryl

Unwrapping The Package

I'm not exactly sure why, but most of the women I know in the spanking scene (the ones who are bottoms anyway) are obsessed with panties: with shopping for them, wearing them and of course, getting spanked in them.
Before I got active in the spanking scene, my attitude toward underwear was one of viewing them as a practical necessity. I wore mostly cotton because I wanted to be comfortable. Cigi found some really comfortable (but hideous) cotton panties called Love Pats that we wore for the longest time. Or we would just go to Wal-Mart and buy the six packs of Hanes For Her or Fruit Of The Loom. Who cares what they looked like? Who else besides me was going to see them? I still value comfort more than almost anything. That hasn't changed since I got into the spanking scene.

What HAS changed is the fact that I now look for cute and pretty panties to wear to parties or on play dates. I still wear the plain ones to work though. And this is just really to keep my nice panties in good shape.


I really think a lady can't have too many cute or sexy pairs of panties. It's sort of hard to gauge what kind any certain top you play with will like so it's best to have a large assortment.

These photos in no way show all the panties I have. They're merely a representation of what I have in my collection. I've spoken on this topic at length with a lot of tops I know and almost without exception they tell me that spanking a woman over nice panties (and eventually taking them down) is one of the great joys of spanking. Many tops have told me that they compare taking down a pair of beautiful panties to unwrapping a Christmas present. Of course, I know a few who just don't care for panties. They prefer to get right down to business without even taking a minute to admire your choice of panties. This is OK, too. To each his own. But it disappoints those of us who like to savor the moment and wait anxiously for the moment when the guy gets that first glimpse of the panties we've so painstakingly chosen. Some guys like cute cotton panties with floral prints; the kind that remind them of little girl panties. Some like the kind with something funny or bratty printed on them. Some prefer a specific kind of cut (like boylegs, cheekies or bikinis). And some go wild over those sheer, lacy ultra feminine panties, which were called "dainties" in my mother's day. I have some of just about every type of pantie there is, but I admit I only look good in a limited number of types. Whatever kind a guy likes, it's almost universally understood that "granny panties" aren't among spanko guys' favorite. Some like that old-fashioned cut but most hate them with a passion. There also seems to be a love/hate dynamic when it comes to thongs. Guys either love them or hate them. I have yet to find someone who doesn't have a passionate opinion of them one way or another. I actually like them. I wore them a lot in my newbie days because I was very modest and didn't want my girlie bits showing with strangers. Even after all this time in the spanking scene, I'm still modest. I don't wear thongs much though unless a guy professes a liking for them. I find them pretty comfortable but sometimes have trouble finding nice ones in my size.

I know this is a topic that almost everyone has covered on their blog; heck, I've even covered it before. But I think it's one of those topics that we love to revisit. Like it or not, panties are as much a part of the scene as implements and arnica. I just can't imagine a bottom getting ready for a play date or to go to a party and not giving any thought to what kind of panties they're going to wear. I bet even male bottoms think about it. I think it's just something that adds to the anticipation of a scene. And also adds to a girls' pantie drawer.

An Older Woman's Opinion

With some free time on my hands today, I started browsing other blogs here and found a phenomenon I thought was a bit surprising. Many of the people who blog about spanking are young (under 30) female bottoms or subs, some of which work as models for the plethora of spanking oriented websites and video companies. They grew up in a time when women were far less repressed than in my time. Many of them have the attitude that sex and spanking are the same thing; interchangeable. As I continued to browse, I realized a lot of the men think the same thing. So, for what it's worth, here's the opinion of an older woman:

First of all, let me say right here that there's nothing wrong with sex. I've had lots of it over the years. I'm currently going through The Change (that nice phrase we oldsters use when referring to menopause) so that affects my libido, though not much. I'm not a frigid old woman. I still enjoy attention from men and pride myself on still being attractive to a certain type of man. Most young men wouldn't find me attractive. I don't have tattoos nor do I have multiple piercings (unless you count my ears; each are pierced three times). My hair isn't dyed dark blue or purple. I'm not goth so black lipstick isn't in my make up bag. I'm just your ordinary, garden variety, run-of-the-mill 49 year old woman. Except that I'm better preserved.

To me, sex and spanking are two totally separate things. Yes, I would concede that spanking is part of my sexual make up. However, I'm a totally straight woman and I get spanked by both sexes. For me, it's the physicality of the act that does it for me. I like the pain of spanking. I like knowing that I can take a hard one. And yes, I admit I like knowing that my male spankers think I have a nice bottom. But sex? With all the men I play with? No way. I reserve sex for the man I'm in a relationship with. I have taken heat on Fetlife for holding this opinion. Everyone else says "Get over it!" and "Just do it!" But I can't. It might be OK for women and men who were raised that sex is OK no matter what to indulge in sex for sex's sake--it feels good so do it. But not me. I have way more respect for my body than that. To me, passing myself around like a butter dish would leave me feeling empty inside. I remember one night stands I had in my late teens and 20's that I still hate myself for. By the time I hit my mid-20's, AIDS had become a real concern in the hetero population and me add most of my girlfriends held the opinion that no man was worth dying over. So we became, for better or worse, much more selective. At the time, it wasn't even known for certain how the virus was spread (that's when sneeze guards started to show up on salad bars and smorgasbords). Better to be safe than sorry. So, like it or not, most women in my age bracket are careful who they have sex with. When I became active in the spanking scene, I pondered what I would do with any sexual energy that might build up during a scene. Before I ever played with anyone or talked to anyone about this, I knew this was going to be something to be dealt with. I've been called a "prude" and "frigid" by others because I don't allow my loins to rule the rest of my body. I have also been advised to get with the program and realize that this is the 21st century, where we do whatever we feel like and damn the consequences. Back when I was younger, people who had control over their passions were respected for it. Today, let a young person say 'I'm saving myself for marriage' and that young person will be ridiculed all over Facebook and Twitter. "So and so is saving herself!! Ha! Ha!" I admire a person who makes that kind of personal decision and then doesn't allow peer pressure or ridicule to sway them. Young people will say 'I have the right to have sex with whoever I want!' Yes, you certainly do. But you also have the right to live with the consequences of acting foolishly or in haste.

So, for me, spanking remains totally separate from sex. I engage in erotic play from time to time with men I trust. But actual sex? Not gonna happen. Not with men who are just friends. I've done that a time or two as well with men I was playing with. I felt really bad afterwards. So I guess you could say that I have arrived at my present situation having seen how the "other half" do it. And I would have to say no thanks. I'm not knocking people who feel that sex is an integral part of the spanking experience for them. Or that spanking is merely foreplay. I've met a lot of people like that, too. Most of them are in a committed relationship with each other.

I know that my attitude probably puts me in the minority as far as younger players in the spanking scene are concerned. But I would be willing to bet that for women in my age group, I'm probably the norm. Whether I'm right or not, this is just an older woman's opinion.

Classic Scenes?

This morning, being a lazy Saturday, I spent part of the morning trying to find stills for some of my favorite movie spanking scenes. Now just let me say for the record that I detest having to slog through all that porn just to see a still from "Professional Sweetheart" or "She Wrote The Book". Usually, for me, Saturdays are spent at work.But today was the exception so I thought I would see if there was anything new out there. I was surprised at how hard it is to find good, high quality stills or captures from classic spanking scenes. I used to love going to Arild's Movie Spanking List and mentally checking off the movies I'd seen. But these days, when you click a link to this site, there's a blind link that takes you to, that's right, a porn site. Of course, the "Cinema Swats" page is always good for perusing spanking scenes. But it hasn't changed much in the five or so years that I've been looking at it. The best site I've seen recently is the Spanking Facts and Research site, which as a very good movie spanking page. They list the movies alphabetically, so knowing the name of the movie you're looking for is a must. I've found some very good stills and captures here. Without further ado, I'll show you some.

Note: if any of the photos below are copywrited and you own it, please let me know so I can properly credit you.

First up, one of my all-time favorites; the spanking scene in "Blue Hawaii". Elvis spanks spoiled brat Jenny Maxwell for running off and scaring everyone. He finds her attempting to drown herself in the ocean and carries her ashore, where after some perfunctory scolding, he spanks her.

I'm not sure why the picture didn't post properly but this was the best I could do. This also looks more like a posed still than an actual scene from the film, but it does depict the action nicely. Ms. Maxwell was 19 at the time "Blue Hawaii" was made and sadly, was gunned down 20 years later with her husband outside their Beverly Hills condo during a botched robbery. If you go to Findagrave.com this photo is the one they have posted of her. Wikipedia's list of American murder victims also mentions the spanking in "Blue Hawaii". Ah well...I guess there are worse things to be remembered for.

Next up, the absolutely breathtaking Paulette Goddard is spanked by the elegant Ray Milland in "Reap The Wild Wind". She is in love with John Wayne's character in this epic and has been playing up to Milland's character in order to secure a captaincy for her boyfriend. Milland had intended to announce their engagement at that evening's party, however, he decides to spank her instead.

Next, another favorite scene, though the two actors are far from favorites. It's the spanking scene from "Captain Lightfoot". Rock Hudson spanks the daylights out of Barbara Rush (the actress who would later gain fame as Della Street, the paralegal on "Perry Mason"). Apparently, she's seeing a man the captain disapproves of and, because her father has asked him to look after her in his absence, feels obliged to let her know about his dislike over the man she's seeing. She argues with him over it and he takes her over his knee and spanks her hard for it.

The next movie also has a very believable spanking scene. I admit that I haven't seen the whole movie, but the spanking scene is awesome. In "Bunker Bean", Owen Davis, Jr. spanks the haughty Louise Lattimer for daring to laugh at his attempts to order her around. Like the scene in "Captain Lightfoot", the spanking is preceded by a scene in which the male character (sufficiently bolstered by some Dutch courage he's sampled while reading a book on Napoleon) attempts to tell the female character who she can and cannot see socially. She laughs at him derisively and accuses him of being drunk. He tells her he thinks she needs a good spanking and then proceeds to give her one.

As I've said many times before, I feel the most important part of any good spanking scene is that the person giving the spanking (in my case, the male) should look like he knows how to give a spanking. We've all seen movies where the build up is excellent, the bratting superb and the spanking a huge disappointment because the spanker lacked technique. The movies I'm siting here today all have this quality---the spanker knows what he's doing (or at least looks like it!)

Up until now, all of the scenes I've included have been hand spankings. This one features a switching. I first saw "True Grit" in the theater with my dad when I was eight years old. Just a few months previously, John Wayne had won an Oscar for his portrayal of federal marshal Rooster Cogburn. In the early part of the film, Glen Campbell gives Kim Darby a whipping with a switch for not turning back as ordered. He simply grabs her off her horse, pulls a switch from a nearby shrub and goes to town. As an 8-year-old whose father sometimes used the switch, I remember cringing in my seat during this scene.

I'll post more scenes soon. Today, with it being a lazy Saturday and all, I just don't feel like doing any more work. So spank me!

A Play Date Not Exactly From Hell

Yesterday afternoon, I got together with a guy to play. It was the first time we'd met, although we'd chatted extensively. He had wanted to take Cigi and I out for our birthday last New Year's Eve, but we'd both been down sick with bronchitis and so we opted out. This had been the first time that my schedule had cooperated enough for him to come down and play. He lives in the Chicagoland area (like so many of the men I meet and play with) so there was some travel involved. For me, the preparations were much more involved.
First of all, yesterday was y first day off in more than a week. Because of that, the apartment needed some attention. I worked until 11 o'clock Tuesday night so I couldn't do my housework then. With Cigi and our roommate both sound asleep, I thought it would have been rude of me to run the vacuum at that hour. So I got up around 8 am on Wednesday and went and got a haircut first. I hadn't had one since January and needed one badly. I got my usual pixie cut and then went to a nearby grocery store to get some quarters for the laundry. I had to have something clean to wear, after all, and laundry, along with vacuuming, dishes, dusting and the cat boxes all showed signs of my neglect. I got busy with the dishes first and then vacuumed in preparation for using the steamer on a couple of areas on the carpet. I wanted the place to not only look good but also smell good. I'm accustomed to the smell of four cats living in my two-bedroom apartment but someone else might notice an odor that I don't detect. So the carpet got shampooed.
After getting a load of laundry and the cleaning done, I had to color my freshly cut hair. I'm passed the point where my hair could be considered salt and pepper. It's more like mostly salt now with a little pepper left over. To be honest, if my play date was someone I knew well I might have skipped this step in the beautification process. However, I was meeting this guy for the first time and I wanted to look my best in order to make a good first impression. While I was sitting with hair color on my head, he called for the first time. He wanted to let me know he had gotten on the road late and that it would be later than we'd agreed on when he arrived. I wasn't too upset about that. I still had other things to do so this was actually advantageous to me. It seemed all of my play plans go like this: I spend part of the day getting the apartment cleaned up and the rest of the day getting myself prettied up. Of course, this part didn't take as long when I was younger.
About three o'clock he arrived. We sat on my well worn couch and talked for awhile--about things in general and Cigi's illness. She had decided not to join us that afternoon. She was having chemo the next day and wanted to rest up. She would join us later for dinner though. He was OK to talk to but his spanking technique was a major disappointment. I like the spanking to have a nice, brisk rhythm at some point, but he never got there. His philosophy, apparently, is to keep the rhythm choppy and "unnatural" (as he put it). His thinking is that if the spanking gets into a predictable rhythm then the bottom will anticipate the spanks and tense up. I explained to him that I had found the opposite to the be the truth. At least, in my own experience. Secondly, he didn't like to use toys. He considered himself a hand spanker. I really have no problem with this since some of my favorite spankers only use their hand. But his technique was just so unorthodox that I thought a toy might help. So I picked a nice leather paddle from the London Tanners and he did sort of develop a rhythm. But then he would stop spanking me and talk. I enjoy good conversation with my spanking but please don't stop spanking me. All in all, I was disappointed. But you have to expect that not every play date will go off without a hitch or be the stuff you dream about. There was nothing wrong with him that a little practice wouldn't help.
Play dates happen this way sometimes. I think I was a disappointment to him as well. I' not his preferred type, first of all. He likes subs (and small ones at that) and I'm about as far from that as you can get. I think my apartment was a disappointment to him, too. He lives in an affluent suburb and my threadbare little apartment probably didn't measure up. In fact, he told me that one of his townhouses is bigger than my whole apartment (and had a basement to boot). When we went out to dinner (to my favorite Chinese buffet) he wanted me to sit on one of the hard chairs that the restaurant has. But Cigi, quick thinker that she is, settled us in a booth with nice soft seats. Now the reason I didn't want a hard chair, as I pointed out to him, had nothing to do with having a sore bottom. I have arthritis in my hips and the cool, damp weather was wreaking havoc with it. He smiled knowingly, as if to tell me he knew the REAL reason I'd opted to sit on a soft seat: his spanking had simply been too much for me. Yeah, right. I think my pain tolerance disappointed him, too. I think it was much too high for his taste. I expect he wanted to hear me "ooching" and "owing" instead of acting like I wanted it harder, which he did his best to accommodate (with a large number of mishits as a consequence). I think he was more accustomed to playing with subs, who were less likely to point out the fact that some of his spanks missed the mark, than a bottom like me who's going to let him know that one or two were on the tailbone. In fact, he argued with me once, telling that one of the spanks I pointed out as a mishit was "nowhere close" to my tailbone. I told him I knew where it was and he'd hit it. I've had it broken before by a clueless top who didn't care. I wasn't in the mood for another trip to the emergency room. I think he sensed we just weren't compatible. He wasn't going to give me the kind of spanking I wanted and I wasn't going to be the kind of spankee he wanted. He did, however, get our car started. So I'm grateful to him for that. However, I don't think I'll be getting together with him again any time soon. It's not that I dislike him. It's just that our styles don't really mesh. He's one of the few men that I've just had no chemistry with.
Doesn't it sometimes just go that way when it comes to play dates? You spend a certain amount of time thinking about what it'll be like, you spend a lot of time getting your space and yourself just right and then things just don't go how you imagined it. I wouldn't label this one a disaster but it wasn't a success either. Ah well...live and learn as I always say.

Smackdown!

I've been a wrestling fan for many years now. Since before the days when it was called "sports entertainment". I'm talking about the mid-70's when the AWA (out of Minnesota) used to hold a monthly card at one of our local high schools. The AWA was run by former NCAA champion Verne Gagne. His son, Greg Gagne and his tag team partner, Jim Brunzell, were my first crushes. They were aerial artists of the highest order; meaning you would see a lot of drop kicks from them. Greg would use his father's signature move, The Gagne Sleeper, on opponents who had been sufficiently softened up. The guys were physical and knew how to get things done in the ring. But alas, there was never a spanking. Probably because there were no women around back then. At least, not in the AWA. That came later.

In 1981, the late David von Erich gave a quick, no nonsense spanking to Sunshine, the valet of his opponent, Jimmy Garvin. This happened in Texas in the old World Class promotion. After that, the floodgates opened. Women were getting spanked left and right it seemed. At least in the South they were. In November, 1989, after World Class had changed its name to USWA, Billy Joe Travis gave what was probably the first bare bottom spanking in wrestling history to Toni Adams, the then wife of Gentleman Chris Adams. At the time, Adams had a protege named Steve Williams, who would later change his name to Steve Austin and become one of the most popular wrestlers of all time. Billy Joe was a man ahead of his time. As far as I know, no unedited version of this spanking exists (except maybe in the safe at the home of the person who was the production manager). I've seen the edited version and it looks like it was a pretty good one. Billy Joe had taken the trouble to handcuff Toni's hubby to the ropes in order to keep in out of the way while he got his mitts on the gorgeous Toni. A few years later, after Toni and Chris had divorced and Toni had turned heel, Billy Joe's former tag team partner, Jeff Jarrett, spanked Toni himself while she was wearing a maid's outfit. Jeff also had a great reputation as a spanker. But the man who, in my opinion, stands head and shoulders above the rest in terms of spanking is Sandman. This guy has spanked every woman you can name (and a few you can't) in wrestling.

I've seen literally dozens of pictures of this guy spanking women. He must hold some kind of record. Now, when it comes to the other side of the coin, I don't think any woman has been spanked more than Francine has. The Queen Of Extreme has been over the knees of almost every wrestler in ECW history.

In this photo (and it's poor quality to boot) Rick Rude does the honors. But Francine got spanked a lot--usually for turning on her man and allowing him to be cold-cocked by his opponent and then strolling off on the arm of said opponent. This woman had no loyalty. Faithful ECW fans took to making up cheers about her.

Unfortunately, male on female spanking seems to have gone the way of two-out-of-three falls matches. It hardly exists anymore. Most of the spanking these days is girl on girl; mostly to titillate wrestling's major demographic, males aged 18 to 34. It's really too bad that this happened. Wrestling is more boring for this change. Where once we were treated to Diamond Dallas Page spanking his wife, Kim, on national television, now we're more likely to get two women who look more like they belong in porn films than in a wrestling ring spanking each other. Sorry, but that just does nothing for me.

I've lost interest in wrestling these days. My Monday nights are no longer taken up with Raw is War or Smackdown. Gone are the days when The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin passed the title belt back and forth between them. My main disappointment was never getting to see the delightfully spankable Stephanie McMahon (the daughter of WWE head Vince McMahon) get spanked. It would have been awesome but, alas, it never happened. At least, not that I know of. If it has, would someone please let me know? I so miss those days.

Photo Ops

I was having a pleasant chat the other day with a gentleman that I admittedly don't know very well. He happened to see my Fetlife profile and commented that he liked looking at my pictures "very much". Now I wasn't quite sure how to respond to that. "Very much" has a number of connotations to it, especially here in the spanko world. It could mean exactly it says. Of course, it could also mean that the person is (and I say this delicately) gratifying himself while he looks at your pictures. I was afraid to ask which one he meant so I just said thank you and left it at that.

When you put a profile on Fetlife, anyone can see it. It's not like the Yahoo groups, where you have to be linked to the person whose profile you want to see. I could never understand why they did that. How on earth are you supposed to know if someone interests you unless you look at their profile. I mean, what happens? You come across a member and say "I'll bet she has an interesting profile. Think I'll email her and ask if I can see it." Then, as the lady who gets the request, how do you respond? Do you write the guy back and hope he's not an axe murderer? Do you ignore him and then hope he wasn't the man you've been looking for? The whole thing is very hit or miss to me. At least on Fetlife you can see each other. Of course, there's a drawback to that. People may see you that you don't want to see you. For this reason, you have to be careful about what kinds of photos you post. I admit I have pictures of my spanked bottom on my profile but those pictures serve a two-fold purpose. First of all, it shows that I'm who I say I am. And second, that I really do get together with people and play. It's really important for me that people know that I'm "real" and not just someone who does everything cyber only. In fact, I pretty much hate cyber anything. My least favorite are men who write to me requesting to be my "cyber dom". They tell me how I will be required to dress at all times (a few have said that, while we're chatting, I will not be allowed to wear clothes!) and how I must address them and so on. I just laugh at those guys and tell them that they're barking up the wrong tree. I actually had one guy tell me that he thought I was submissive because, well, I let people spank me, don't I? Of course, you nitwit. But I get spanked because I enjoy it. And the more you try to tell that to some guys, the more they become convinced that you're just in denial about what you "really" want. In fact, I once had a guy send me a message saying "Why don't you list what your REAL fetishes are? All the things you listed are vanilla, sweetheart!" I was annoyed, to put it mildly, but wrote him back telling him that spanking is my REAL fetish. He said he was disappointed by that. That he thought his excellent powers of domination could just somehow make me "want" to change my fetishes to "please" him. Can you believe how egotistical some people are? I actually had another dom (this guy was obviously a master!) who wrote me a very stern message telling me that he found my photos "unacceptable" because I was "hiding from him". When I asked him what he meant by that, he wrote me back saying that he "needed" to see my private parts and breasts, the parts I'm most "ashamed of". Then I would not be withholding anything from him. I laughed and told him to have a nice life. If he didn't find my photos acceptable he didn't have to look at them.

I should've seen this guy coming. But living here in the Midwest, where we have a lot of tornadoes, I should also have remembered that sometimes you don't see the twister until it's right in front of you. The truth of the matter is that I was having such a good time going back and forth with this guy that I didn't see that next part coming.

In fact, this guy at least had the decency to cover his horniness in dom speak. You know, when he was telling me "Let me see it all and don't hide yourself from me". Other guys have just said "Boy, it sure would be nice to see what's between those legs you keep closed so tight, honey." At least they're being honest. They just want to see it because they're horny guys. They don't couch their desires in that idiotic "don't hide anything from me" dom crap.

Photos can be a lot of fun. A great way to remember the fun of a party, a play date, a memorable session. It's just a matter of being careful what you show and being careful about what you decide not to show. Someone will always take exception to either scenario.