Entitlement Attitude

Author's Note: Today's entry is a rant. I'm getting sick and tired of people unleashing their anger on me because I don't act like a "good little girl." If you would rather not read me getting my anger out of my system then I suggest you read one of my other delightful entries.


I received some interesting messages in my Fetlife inbox this week. The first one came from a gentlemen in Ireland who repeatedly addressed me as "wee one" and "kitten". I should mention that I'm older than he is and also not a submissive. He also signed off saying "behave like a good little girl". Ugh! Nothing gets me going quite like being treated like a submissive by someone who doesn't even know me. I replied as nicely as I could but I'm afraid I scared him off because he never wrote me back. I'm sure he was a nice guy, but all he had to do was read my profile and he would have realized that he was barking up the wrong tree. Being treated like a submissive by doms who treat all women like subs has pissed me off since my earliest days in the scene. I've had that not-all-women-who-get-spanked-are-submissive argument with a lot of people. And quite frankly, I'm getting tired of banging my head against that particular brick wall. I know all of this complaining makes it look like I don't like the scene or the people in it. That's not true. I love most of the people in the scene, even the misguided ones. Most of the time I can ignore the behavior that annoys me. I'm really good at it. But this week has been a rough one and I'm afraid I lost my famous composure a couple of times. This first message got the ball rolling for me. What was going through that guy's head when he called me "wee one"? One look at even one of my pictures would disabuse him of the notion that there was anything wee about me.


The second one arrived yesterday. This guy left a comment on a picture of mine saying "Sexy sexy sexy". Then he sent me a friend request. Now I mention in my profile that friend requests sent out of the blue from strangers will be rejected. So I rejected him. We had no fetishes in common. In fact, his profile was pretty much blank. About an hour later, he sent me a message. The subject line was "You Are FAT!" The whole body of the message was "F.O. Fatty". What is it about some guys? They can go from "sexy" to "fat" in one heartbeat if you reject them. This guy wasn't some young kid either. He was 46 years old. I thought he was a dom, but apparently he's a sub. I couldn't go back and re-check because he blocked me as soon as he shot off that message calling me fat.


It's this attitude that angers me about men in the scene. As long as you're pleasing, say "Sir" at the right time, and always agree with them, then you get treated well. But as soon as you disagree with them or don't act afraid of them then you're attacked. Their attitude is "I have a penis. Therefor you're inferior to me. Bow and worship, bitch!" It's pure entitlement. I've gotten messages from clowns like this since I was on Yahoo Groups. I remember one gentlemen, whom I had never met at that time, responding to a thread of mine telling me every detail of how a scene between him and I would go. He outlined how I was to dress, what words I would be allowed to say, when I would be allowed to speak at all and what other behavior he expected. At first, I didn't know how to respond to this. I was new and I didn't really know "how it was done". I had no one to mentor me or tell me how I should respond to people. All I had to go on was my prior vanilla experience. So when I read this, I was angry. Who did this guy think he was telling me how to dress and speak? When I did respond, it was with a now-familiar retort: "Fantasy is fun, isn't it?" The guy responded to that like someone who felt he was being mocked. He assured me that, should we ever meet at a party, he would show me what "fun" was. I was somewhat concerned because I detected a threat in his tone. I privately wrote one of the group leaders and told him I thought the guy was out of line. He wrote me a private email, saying that this was just words. He never cursed at me or called me names. But if he ever made a move towards me at a party he would be dead meat.


That was my first exposure to the "entitlement attitude". It certainly wasn't my last. I got a broader exposure to this attitude when I joined Fetlife. I knew that I would probably see people who weren't mere spankos like me. Many of the men I "met" were doms and masters. One of the first lessons I learned was that they don't like to be disagreed with. They didn't like being called on their BS either. My aim is not to cut anyone down. But these guys just infuriate me. Sometimes, I lose my celebrated cool.


The guy who called me fat caught me at a bad time. Usually, I laugh and move on. But he happened to leave his "you're fat" message to me when I was feeling less than sexy and attractive. I mean, I wasn't going to say "I am not fat". I'm fat and I don't deny that I'm working on it. But it's rude to say it. Most of these guys are well practiced at knowing how to hurt a woman. I wish I could say that random insults from total strangers don't bother me, but they do. So now, thanks to some jerk with an entitlement attitude, my confidence is cracked a bit. But it will repair itself and I will set my jaw and vow never to let the thoughtless words of a jerk with entitlement attitude get me down again.

"Why Do You Bother?"

The title of today's entry was the body of a private message I received this morning in my Fetlife inbox. A quick look at the profile of the person who sent it clearly established him in my mind as a dominant. I sent him back a short response in which I asked what he was referring to. A few hours later, I received a mini-diatribe asking two pertinent questions:


1) Why did I bother posting to groups when all I want to do is disagree with people?
2) Why do I bother getting spanked when it's obvious I don't want anyone correcting my behavior?


I spent an hour or so mulling over his questions, during which I received another message from him taunting me for ignoring his questions. When I finally did get around to responding to him, I felt I had adequately answered him. I told him that, first and foremost, I'm what my father used to call a "get along girl"; that is, someone who doesn't want to rock the boat or upset the apple cart. I want everyone to live together in peace and harmony. Even on Fetlife. I told this guy in my response that I enjoy posting to the groups and I enjoy seeing other points of view. My main is NOT to be disagreeable. To him, I'm sure it looks that way. I will admit that I do offer a dissenting opinion on a lot of subjects. And I have been told before that if I disagree with someones viewpoint why don't I just ignore it and not say anything so that the thread doesn't turn into an exercise in wagon circling? This is a valid question and one I have pondered myself. I do have opinions and sometimes, they're strong ones. I'm not sure which posting of mine prompted that man to write me, but I suspect it stems from one that a man wrote in his Erotica concerning a made up girl and her many transgressions. While I won't give away the title, let me just say it was somewhat irritating to me and smacked of bullying. My response, while a strong one, opined only what would happen if the girl I question were me. I made no value judgments on the writer or his imaginary submissive. What I got in response from him shocked me. He was actually on my friends list and someone I had been curious to play with if the situation ever presented itself. He shot off an angry post where he dropped F bombs at me and told me not to comment on a situation I don't know anything about. I should say that the body of his Erotica entry involved going through the made up sub's personal property and finding credit card bills which he knew nothing about. In my defense, I will say that I didn't know this situation was hypothetical when I posted. I was aghast that he would snoop through her things that way (again, not knowing that the situation was made up in his head). When I was 13, my father (whom I adored) broke the lock on my diary and read it. It was the only time he ever did anything so awful and I was furious with him. I was so furious, in fact, that I ran away from home over it, spending three days at a friend's house until things cooled down. Ever since then, I have guarded my privacy closely. A room mate who got on my computer when I wasn't home and snooped through my groups and photos didn't stay my room mate for very long after that. Something about the cavalier way this guy wrote about rifling the girl's things conjured up my feelings of returning home from school and finding the lock on my diary broken. I could feel the old fury, although I didn't go off on the guy who wrote the post. I simply said that things would have gone differently had I been the girl in question. While others let me know that whatever two people agree to is their business (and really, when he wrote he made no mention of what this dynamic was) and friends stuck up for me, he shot me down with both barrels. Of course, he later printed an apology to me and I apologized to him for going off half-cocked. Of course, he also printed a Note stating that the imaginary sub had died and I suppose many will view it as my fault if we don't get treated to more of his Erotica.


I don't respond to posts with the express purpose of being disagreeable. A lot of what we do in the lifestyle is fantasy based and sometimes, for whatever reason, people have a hard time separating their fantasies from reality. Maybe the man who wrote the offending Erotica DOES fantasize about having a submissive whose property he can violate on a whim? Who knows? Or maybe, like the Australian gentleman who suggests filling gelatin capsules with cayenne pepper and inserting them in the rectums of his play partners, a big dose of reality is needed. Most of us, if we're honest, would be shocked beyond description of having someone we thought we could trust violate that trust in some way. Disrespecting private property is one of the most trust-breaking acts I can think of. Yes, I'm fully aware that there are subs who have that kind of dynamic, where their dom is allowed access to their cellphone and computer and dresser drawers or whatever else is held as private. Those people are allowed their opinions and voice them without impunity on most of the groups I've visited. However, when it comes to me viewing my opinions, I often have to preface them with some kind of disclaimer such as "in my opinion" or "speaking only for me" lest someone think I'm posting my opinion as fact. Anyway, I told that guy in my response that I'm entitled to my opinion and if it happens to differ from the majority, so be it. Yes, I know Fetlife would be a better place if people like me didn't go around injecting reality into their little fantasy worlds (fantasy worlds where all women are submissive and kept naked and available for use 24/7).


Now, about his second question. Why do I bother getting spanked when I don't want my behavior corrected? This is a question I get tired of answering. I told the guy that I like pain and spanking gives me the kind of pleasurable pain I'm seeking. Apparently, he doesn't realize that there are people (especially women) who enjoy spanking and engage in it for purely physical reasons; reasons that have nothing to do with wanting to be pleasing or taking it because it's deserved for some sin I've committed. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not slamming subs. Some of my best friends are submissives. If you need that dynamic to have peace of mind or to survive in this big, mean world then knock yourself out. If you're a dom and you have an overpowering need to perpetrate your desires on some willing female flesh, that's your business. What two (or more) people do in privacy is their business and no real concern of mine as long as everyone is consenting age and playing nice. BUT posting on a public forum is another matter entirely. Supposedly, we're all adults and as such we know from the get-go that at least one person will take exception to something we write. And when that happens, we can go about responding a number of different ways. Ideally, someone points out something we didn't know and we say "Thank you very much for educating me on a couple of points. I'm here to learn." On Fetlife, that hardly ever happens. The offender is much more likely to be treated to the F-bomb laden diatribe that I got from the dom who posted the Erotica about the made up submissive. This is because people are defensive of their beliefs. I'm as guilty of this as anyone. However, I wouldn't dream of cursing at people and calling them small minded just  because they don't happen to agree with me. Most of the doms I know (even the nicer ones) are fairly ego driven. Many also get off on intimidating people, mostly subs. This is why you see people posting pictures of intimidating implements or the handiwork of said implement and they have a ball watching all the subs call red under their pics. So when they come up against someone like me, who's not the least bit intimidated by them or their toy, they don't know how to respond, except with anger. Make no mistake: I'm a spanko and I love getting spanked. I love playing hard and testing my limits. I love the bond that forms between me and the people who have spanked me. It's deep, profound and, barring violating my trust, unbreakable.


So why do I bother? Because I love this lifestyle and most of the people in it. I love hearing other points of view, even if I disagree with them because I might learn something from them and they from me. I might make a friend of someone who, instead of lashing out in anger, strove to understand me. I have to be true to myself if this is going to work. And that, most of all, is why I bother.

The Stigma Of Ink

For many years, I had the same attitude about tattoos that a lot of society does: that only "certain people" have them. What would a nice white girl like want with a tattoo? Weren't tattoos for people who were in gangs or who had  been in prison? Or bikers? Or biker chicks? Weren't tattooers (I had no idea they were called artists until pretty recently) just people who didn't want to have a regular job and punch a time clock like the rest of us? That kind of attitude prevailed in most of society for a very long time. Then, somehow, something happened. Tattoos became more acceptable. I'm not sure if it was the proliference of ink on professional athletes, extreme sports figures or movie stars changed our collective thinking, but something happened. The "darkness" and menace of tattoos was replaced by something approaching mainstream acceptance. Nowadays it seems everyone is sporting ink. Gone are the days when people with tattoos lived on the fringes of society. We had a preponderance of "reality" shows about tattoo artists and their places of business. Maybe this helped people get over their negative feelings about tattoos? I'm not sure.

Tattoos were so rare when I was a child growing up that I can remember the first person I ever saw with a tattoo. It was my Uncle Carroll. He was my grandmother's older brother and he and his wife, Helen, lived just a few blocks from us when I was growing up back in the 60's. He had been in the Navy in WWII and he sported an anchor with a heart on his shoulder. I was intrigued by it. I'd never seen something like that before. I asked him where he got that and he told me that someone had put it there with a needle. Ouch. Pass. Uncle Carroll's older son, my cousin Lee, had a tattoo as well. But his was no anchor or even a heart. His was a naked woman, also gotten in the service before he shipped off to Viet Nam. There was an aura in those days surrounding men who had tattoos. I didn't know any women with them so I assumed that they were a "guy thing". Back then, you knew who the bad women were. They didn't have to have ink. All they had to do was have their ears pierced or wear lipstick. In fact, so strong was my father's distaste for women with pierced ears that he forbade my sisters and me to get ours pierced until we were sixteen. But Carol and I disobeyed him and snuck off to the mall to get initiated into the mysteries of pierced ears when were just a few weeks shy of our 14th birthday. Since it was the 70's and we had long hair, we were able to hide it from our dad until  we were sixteen. He was chagrined to put it mildly but what could be do about it after the fact?

Even though I had my ears triple pierced by 1979 (back when not everyone was doing that either), I had no desire to get a tattoo. Tattoos seemed to indicate a sense of belonging to a certain group-- gang members, bikers, soldiers, ex-cons, etc. No one who was a law abiding citizen and who valued himself would deface his body with a tattoo. Slowly, attitudes began to shift. I started to see ink on professional athletes. Then on actors and even some actresses. Suddenly, it was OK to have a tribal band around your arm or a "tramp stamp" even if you weren't a jailbird or a biker. I suppose as the demand for tattoos grew, so did the demand for artists to apply them. You didn't have to go to some guy's basement who was a friend of a friend and get it done. I'm not sure where I heard this, but it's my understanding that tattooing was illegal in some states and so had to be done in secret. You could walk into a tattoo parlor in broad daylight and walk out proudly sporting your new ink. You could have your tattoo done by a real artists; someone who may have actually studied art as opposed to a "scratcher". Tattoo parlors themselves changed, too from seedy backrooms to bright, clean shiny establishments.

This is Freedom Ink Tattoos in Peoria, Illinois where I get my ink done. It's a nice, super clean establishment with work stations, very nearly like the place where I get my hair done or my nails manicured. I would never in a million years go to a place that was dirty or irreputable. In the pre-AIDS days, tattooists didn't wear gloves and I always cringe a little when I see old photos of someone getting a tattoo because the tattooist is working bare handed. I don't want to have to worry about catching something or getting an infection. This shop uses sterile needles and tubing for every client. So not only do I not have to worry about catching something, no one has to worry about catching something from me. I caught hepatitis A years ago which was sexually transmitted and because of that, I can't give blood. Also, the vast majority of artists (at least the ones who work in professional shops like the one pictured) are usually trained in sterile fields (something only doctors and nurses used to be trained in), cross contamination and blood and air borne pathogens. They also probably have to take a Hazmat test every year.

So now, because it's more socially acceptable for people to have tattoos, I don't feel so squeamish about them. I wish that my spanking fetish was as accepted as tattoos are. In fact, getting active in the spanking scene helped fuel my desire to get inked. I saw a lot of people, both tops and bottoms, with ink. I probably won't ever have the courage to get something spanking-related tattooed on me. I'm not brave enough for that. My ink (three tattoos) is discreet, easily covered by clothing. But when I undress for a scene or pull my panties down, it's there. A lot of people will see and have seen the work of the artists who have inked me. I have 1400+ photos on my Fetlife profile and a lot of them show my tattoos. In fact, my Beethoven tattoo (the first one I got) is easily recognizable by people who have played with me. As much as I love my current ink and getting inked, I doubt I'll ever have tattoos that are visible outside of my clothes. After all, people still make value judgments based on appearance. They're liable to think that I'm going through some kind of midlife crisis and I just want people to think I'm younger than I am (which most do anyway, even without ink). Which brings me to another point. Once I realized that ladies could get tattoos, I thought the only ones who got them were young, thin pretty women like Angelina Jolie. Not the case. I had this vision in my head of artists only wanting to tattoo hot women, not old, fat women like me. Also not true. I remember the night before I got the dragonfly tattoo I had a nightmare. I dreamed that Jeremy, the guy who did my tattoo, said "No way! I'll puke if I see that!" when I told him I wanted the tattoo on my ass. Not only did that not happen, but he didn't bat an eye at it. This was reassuring to me that I didn't have to be self-conscious around these guys. I mean, they're all young men, Even Tim, the owner of the shop, is way younger than I am. They're red-blooded American men who I'm  sure would jump at the chance to ink a really hot chick. But they're also professionals and expensive ones at that. They're going to give their paying customer what they want, within reason. My money is just as green as some babe's.  Besides, I have seen some incredible ink on heavier women than me. Getting ink has also made me a more comfortable in my own skin.

So I hope that my entries about tattoos and the tattooing process (as limited as my experience is) has shed some light for people who might be reading this thinking "if only." There's no reason in this day and  age why a person who wants a tattoo shouldn't have one. The only reason I could see is the cost. Good work by a good artist is very expensive. This is why my pieces are pretty small. Sure, I could go to some scratcher and get a $20 tattoo, but that's what it would look like: something I'd want to hide. I don't want anyone to look at my  tattoos and say "Those are pieces of shit. Who ripped you off?" I want people to look at my tattoos and think "Yeah, those belong on her."

More On Tattoos

I just thought of some more good advice on getting a tattoo, so here's another entry.


Please, please put some serious thought into where you're going to get your tattoo. Face, head and neck tattoos might seem cool, but they will probably kill any chance you'll ever have of getting a job (well, besides a tattoo artist or maybe a rock star).

Tattoos aren't for crybabies. If you have a problem with paper cuts, then you probably shouldn't get a tattoo. Anyone who says they don't hurt is lying or has a pain tolerance that is unheard of. I have a very high pain tolerance and all of mine hurt to some degree.

Tattoos, like a lot of other things, can become addictive. If you can't go a week without new ink, you're probably addicted.

While tattoos are becoming more acceptable, know that if you get your tattoo in a visible area, you will be judged by society at large. I keep mine concealed because I don't like to be stared at.

Keep the chit chat to a minimum. Laying down a tattoo is serious business for most artists and most don't like to be distracted by small talk, especially during line work. It's best to ask your artists before he starts if he's cool with you talking while he working. Everyone is different.

Most establishments have a "No Haggling" policy. When an artist quotes you a price that's your cue to decide if you want to pay it. Trying to finagle a lower price out of your artist will probably end with you not getting a tattoo. You're paying for someone else's time and talent so don't insult him by trying to get him to do the same quality work for a lower price.

If you feel a sneeze coming on or have an itch you need to scratch, it's best to let your artist know ahead of time so he can stop for you. Virtually all of the tattoo process demands that you hold still unless you want sloppy work and crooked lines.

Don't ask for a break unless you're ready to pass out. Once an artist gets started they generally don't like to stop unless it's to change a color or something related to actually doing the tattoo. If you need to use the bathroom or you get a cramp, ask politely and then take the briefest break possible. Unless you're going to be there for six or seven hours, don't count on a break.

Don't be in a hurry. Never ask "How long is this going to take?" You won't get a good answer. You might get a ballpark figure. Even a small tattoo takes time and requires the same attention to detail that a larger one does.

Don't flirt with your artist. If you're getting your breast or butt tattooed, don't expect your artist to drool over you or pitch a tent. He's a professional and, believe me, he's seen tits and ass before. Unless you're his girlfriend or wife you're just another client.

Most establishments will offer a complimentary touch up of their work within the first few weeks of you getting your tattoo. But this is provided you followed the aftercare instructions you were given. The artist isn't responsible if your ink smears, blows out or you get an infection if you didn't follow instructions.

Don't bring your entire posse with you to the tattoo parlor. It's probably OK to bring one person with you but more than that and you will probably wear out your welcome. This goes back to what I said about artists not liking distractions.

It's common to want to commemorate your experience with photos, but find out your establishment's rules concerning cameras. Some don't allow them and many only allow them if you don't use a flash. Asking the artist to smile and wave at the camera while he's in the middle of a difficult or tricky spot might result in you getting a less than perfect tattoo.

Most artists take pride in their work and are thrilled if you send some extra business their way by telling your friends where you got your tattoo. Don't expect a discount on your next piece because of this. Some artists will shoot a discount to repeat customers who send their friends to them but this isn't a hard and fast rule.

As I said, I'm not an expert by any means, but I've been inked a few times now so I feel as qualified as the next person to give general information. Getting a tattoo can be a satisfying, fun, intense experience. A lot will depend on you and the chemistry you have with your artist. Following a few simple guidelines and using a little common sense will help insure that "your artist" will always be happy to see you.

Inked Yet Again (cont'd)

Computer problems forced me to save and publish my last entry before it was done, so I'm finishing it in another entry. Here goes:

Never get a tattoo because you think it will make you look "cool". Believe me, if you weren't cool before, a tattoo won't help you. You'll just be a nerd with a tattoo. "Cool" is an attitude and has nothing to do with your appearance anyway.

Here are some other things to remember:

Get a good night's sleep the night before your appointment. Being rested will go a long way toward making the experience better and will help with your pain tolerance.

Eat a full meal before you go. Do not get a tattoo on an empty stomach. Tattooing traumatizes the body and will cause a drop in your blood sugar, which could cause you to become lightheaded and pass out.

Stay hydrated. Take a bottle of water with you and drink from it occasionally, especially if you're having a large piece done and you know you'll be there for awhile. You will lose fluids (blood and plasma) during your tattoo so play it safe.

Listen to the artist when he suggests something to you. This could be ideas about design, placement, color or advisability of actually getting the tattoo you're after. Don't be bullheaded or get belligerent with him when he makes a suggestion.

Always be tattooed by a professional tattoo artist. Having a homemade tattoo in your buddy's basement is a very bad idea. Unless he's a professional and doing you a courtesy, you're going to get the tattoo you pay for.

You don't need your artist's life story before he inks you, but it's helpful to know who he apprenticed with and how long he's been actively tattooing human flesh.

Not every tattoo has to have a deep, mysterious or philosophical meaning. But your tattoo should mean something to you. By the way, having a band name, sports team or product logo tattooed on you is kind of lame. Have some originality.

Don't take NSAIDS like ibuprofen before getting a tattoo thinking it will help with dulling the pain. These are blood thinners that will make you bleed more and will defeat the ink going where it's supposed to go. It's much better to suck it up and let your body's natural painkillers (endorphins) take over.

Don't go in for a tattoo either drunk or under the influence. In most cases, you'll be asked to leave. Most modern tattoo parlors are businesses that cater to paying customers and they have no desire to have another customer's experience ruined by a guy who walked in drunk off the street to get a tattoo on the spur of the moment.

Your tattoo artist is busy and probably booked weeks in advance. Don't waste his time. If you're making an appointment in advance, you'll probably be asked to pay a deposit. Pay it graciously and understand that he's a paid professional, just like your doctor or plumber.

Please, for the sake of all that's sacred, tip your artist. Yes, I know he's making $100 or more an hour. But he just spent a couple of hours with you, giving you something you're going to carry with you for the rest of your life. Have some decency and show your appreciation in the same way you would tip your hairstylist or the person who does your nails.

Don't try to impress your artist with how much you know about tattooing. Unless you're a fellow artist, however much you think you know, he knows more than you do. And besides, nobody likes a Mr. Know-It-All.

Be on time for your appointment. Even if your artist keeps you waiting, be on time. This is common courtesy and is much appreciated in most establishments. If you're a walk-in, understand that appointments will get preference over you.

Whatever establishment you choose to have your tattoo done at, make sure it's clean. It doesn't have to resemble a doctor's office, but it should be clean. Make sure the artists are wearing gloves and that the items they will be handling are bagged to prevent cross-contamination. Many places now use tubing and needles that are single use.

Don't take getting a tattoo lightly. Your skin is your body's main barrier against infection and your artist is going to breach that barrier thousands of times while he does your tattoo. Follow the aftercare routine he gives you to the letter. If he tells you to keep it covered for six to eight hours, do that. He knows what kind of ink he used, what kind of needles he used. If he tells you not to use lotion until it dries out, don't do it.

Bathe or shower before you go for your tattoo. Your artist is going to be spending an extended period of time with you (in some cases inhaling the aroma of some of your more odorous body parts). Have the decency to smell good. Don't overdo it on the perfume or cologne either. In some cases, this can be just as annoying and unpleasant as BO.

I'm by no means an expert, but I've had enough personal, firsthand experience to feel pretty safe using these as a basic guide. A lot of it is simple common sense. But it's amazing to see how people can take leave of their senses when they really want something.

Inked Yet Again

If you've been following my blog for the last couple of years, then you know that I started getting really into tattoos a few years ago when I got my first one. I blogged about that first experience and the one that followed. So yesterday was my birthday so I got another one as a present to myself. This entry is going to be about my third tattoo experience and also some advice and how-tos based on my own experiences. I'm in no way an expert. There are large numbers of people who are vastly more experienced than I am when it comes to ink. But I've been inked a number of times now and each was done by a different artist so I think I have enough experience under my belt (literally lol) to give a bit of guidance to someone who might be reading this and who is on the fence about getting some ink.

First off, almost as soon as I got my second tattoo in October (the dragonfly on my left butt cheek) my third one was already being planned. I don't want to look like Lydia the Tattooed Lady here, but I think more than one is a very good look, especially if the tattoos are pretty, well done and have nice colors. The design I walked in with was quickly shot down by the artist who was going to be doing it. I don't know if he didn't want to do something that involved because he didn't want to spend a lot of time on a complicated tattoo if he had another appointment coming in or he just thought it wouldn't work with what I already had. But he understood that there were two elements to the tattoo that I wanted no matter what design he came up with: a clef note and cherry blossoms. I already have musical notes on my right butt cheek so I thought this would look nice with the new one. The lady who brought me was annoyed because Zach (the guy who was going to be doing my tattoo) wasn't there yet. He was there, I assured her. He was outside having a cigarette. Believe me, as a former smoker, I know the importance of getting a smoke in before work. I didn't want to have his hands shaking while he was doing my tattoo because he was having a "nic fit". I don't think she fully understands the tattoo business or tattoo artists in general. My appointment was for 11 o'clock, but that didn't mean I was going to be in the chair at 11 o'clock. It took awhile for Zach to come up with a design. Then the helper had to set his station up. He had to decide what kind of needles to use, what colors we were going to go for and also make sure that everything he was going to need was at hand. I didn't mind the wait, as it helped me get into the zone. I don't know how a vanilla person prepares for the pain of a tattoo, but someone like me, who's a spanko and who enjoys pain, will go about it a bit differently. I kind of treat it like playing with someone I haven't played with before. Once he did the stencil he had me stand up straight in front of him and he put it on me. He had tucked the hem of my shirt into my bra to keep it out of the way. Then he had me look in the mirror to see if the placement was where I wanted it. It was and so then there was nothing left to do but get to it. But first, he wanted to go outside and have another cigarette while the stencil dried, which I didn't mind. He adjusted the chair for my height (Zach is a pretty small guy) and had me sit facing the back of the chair. Then he folded the waistband of my jeans down to keep that out of the way, too. "Remember to breathe" he instructed as I heard the machine hum into action. Nothing had prepared me for the pain I would experience. It felt like someone had lit a match and was dragging it across my skin. It was more pain than I had ever experienced before getting inked. He knew I had other ink. He had asked to see my other pieces and in fact, had recognized the dragonfly tattoo as Jeremy's work. When Jeremy had come in, he had remembered me as well. I guess when you put a tattoo on a woman's ass you don't forget that. So he knew I wasn't a newbie when it came to tattoos. Kathy couldn't understand why she couldn't have her cellphone on while she was in the building (in fact, she made a phone call and the helper guy told her to go outside) and other rules that were in place. Phones and cameras are distractions and these guys don't need to be distracted while they're putting something permanent on someone.

Zach is just a tad heavy handed, but I did manage to get through the line work. He relayed a story about seeing a woman thrown down in a snowbank by her boyfriend while he was out on his deck the previous night. He told about how he had warned the guy that he was going to call the police (which he actually did do). All told, it took about two hours to do my tattoo.

The entire time, my feet are dangling and eventually, the right one did go to sleep. But I know that tattoo artists don't like interruptions, which is why someone else answers the phone and greets customers. So I didn't ask for a break. I did kick my shoe off and try to wiggle my foot back and forth without making any sudden moves that might make Zach mess up my tattoo. He assured me we were "pretty close" to being done. So I was encouraged to hang in there. Tattoos really aren't for people with low pain tolerances or who can't sit or lie in one position for an extended period of time. I'm always a bit disappointed when a tattoo is finished. It means I now have to wait for the next one to get those awesome sensations again. He had me stand up and then sent me to the mirror to see the finished product. Kathy snapped a couple of pictures before he covered it with Saran Wrap.

 

I had bled quite a bit during this tattoo, probably because of the placement. But I was breathlessly happy with my tattoo and was kind of glad we hadn't gone with the original design.

Now, a bit of unsolicited advice about tattoos:


There are plenty of good reasons to get tattoos (self expression, relaying a sentiment, covering a scar, etc.) but there are probably even more bad reasons (and some really bad ones) for getting one.

Never get a tattoo because your girlfriend/boyfriend/homey wants you to. Tattoos made with ink are permanent and will outlast any relationship you're in. If you just have to have that special someone's name tattooed on your hand, go to the mall and get a temporary one and then take some pictures to commemorate the occasion.

Never get a tattoo because your mom/dad/boss doesn't want you to get one. That middle finger you got tattooed on your forearm may have seemed like a good idea at the time, but unless you get it removed, it will be a permanent reminder of your teenage act of rebellion and will probably impact your life negatively.


Never get a tattoo because you think it   

Birthday Blues

It's late December, so that means that my birthday is rolling around again soon. Soon as in a matter of days. I have been having mixed feelings about that. On one hand, I have some fun things planned and it ought to be a fun day. On the other hand, I've been think about Carol, the woman who came into the world five minutes behind me. Even though she's passed on, it's still her birthday, too. When we were kids, birthdays were always special occasions. My mother went to all kinds of fuss to make sure the birthday person (or people in my and Carol's case) had the best day possible. You could have anything you wanted for dinner, watch anything you wanted on TV and of course, have any kind of cake you wanted. Carol and I almost always chose pork roast for supper, since eating pork on New Year's Eve was supposed to guarantee prosperity in the coming year. When my grandmother still lived in Peoria, she would sometimes make beef rouladon, a German specialty and German chocolate cake. She was one of the best cooks I've ever known. Sometimes, we would ask her and Grandpa to take us out for dinner, which they always did, followed by a shopping trip for new clothes. Like many people whose birthday falls close to Christmas, we often felt ripped off. I can only really remember one birthday party. My mother worked full time, unlike a lot of mothers in that era, and she didn't have a lot of time for things like planning a kids' birthday party. Not to mention, money was always rather tight when we were kids. One tradition that we held to in our family was the birthday spanking. You couldn't have your presents until you'd taken your spanking. It was usually given by my father or grandfather. The spanking was done OTK but was never done hard. A spanking on ones' birthday was symbolic, unlike the ones we normally got as punishments. There was just some momentary embarrassment and then it was forgotten in the mad dash for gifts and cake. When we were younger, the cakes were homemade and usually from scratch. Cake mixes were available, but they weren't widely trusted by experienced bakers back then. Later, when we were older, the cake would be ordered from a bakery, like the chocolate one with the blue flowers in the above photo. It never seemed like a proper birthday without a cake. As we got older, the spanking tradition went by the wayside, although I did try to get a couple of boyfriends to spank me on my birthday.

Being in the  scene has opened up new possibilities for birthday spankings. Back in the days when Crimson Moon held parties in January, Carol and I could always count on some good-hearted top to remember to give us our birthday spankings . But once they stopped doing them in January, it became a case of us having to try to arrange something privately. This almost never worked out. I have all ready blogged about the 1985 birthday spanking I received from a guy I used to bowl with. That was my 25th birthday. When I turned 50 in 2010 I had a very memorable birthday spanking from an old spanko friend of mine.

He gave me a very nice strapping, took me out to dinner and then to see "True Grit" at the theater. It was my first birthday without Carol and I think he wanted to make it as nice for me as he could. It was one of the best birthdays I ever had, thanks to him. No one else did anything for me or even said "Happy Birthday" to me. At that time, I was still unemployed and had no computer.

Two years later, I had another memorable birthday spanking from a scene friend. This time, my old buddy Charles came down. He always came to Peoria on New Year's Eve as he had friends who threw a party every year. Because I live with my sister and her family, I couldn't host him. We had to get a hotel room. But it was still fun, despite the fact that I had been having abdominal pain since the previous day. I knew I should get checked out but I didn't want to be in the hospital on my birthday.

Forty-eight hours after this photo of me happily smiling was taken, I had my appendix out. I managed to put the pain out of my head and enjoy it.

So, what will this year bring? I have no idea. Mike has already told me that he won't be able to come down for my birthday. So I'm counting on other toppy types to deliver the spanking I've come to expect on my birthday.