Saturday, February 23, 2008

Keeping It Unreal

Have you ever had a feeling that things aren't what they seemed? Times when things just felt a little out of place? Scientists have a name for that feeling. They call it time displacement and it's a very real phenomenon. I remember one vivid occasion when I felt this feeling very strongly. It was probably the same feeling Dorothy had when she exclaimed "Toto, I have the feeling we're not in Kansas anymore." It was when I walked into the party suite at my first-ever spanking party. Time literally stood still as I drank in the sights and sounds. I arrived pretty early so the party had really not started yet. But my mind was occupied with processing what would be taking place later that evening. The room was the sort of room one expects to find in a hotel. The people were all normal looking. They stood in small groups, some talking about things that had happened since the last party, catching up with each other basically. I remember very clearly being somewhat puzzled because people were talking about everything except spanking. The feeling I had was so strange and so unreal that I thought at first I had wondered into the wrong room. Suddenly, while I was still overwhelmed by the thought that no one was discussing why we were there, it seemed like a switch was thrown and things sped up in my mind. People began to come up and talk to me. I was welcomed to the fold like an old friend. I've been to a lot of parties over the years and now, when I see a newbie standing there with that lost look on their face, I know how they're feeling. Like Dorothy after the house landed.
That feeling of un-reality remains with some of us for the duration of our stay in the scene. Everytime I walk into a hotel for a party, I get the same feeling--that I can't believe I'm there. It's a fleeting feeling these days. Here one minute and gone the next. But still there. As elusive as that feeling is, I try to hang onto it because it's one of the few things that has remained unchanged since I began in the scene.
Once, a few years ago, a spanking friend I was getting together with regularly surprised me by coming to see me at my new job. Now remember that I said in my previous entry that I wanted my spanking life to be my real life. But seeing him walk into my place of employment gave me another one of those unreal feelings--like the two parts of my life were merging. I knew I would have to explain who he was to my curious co-workers who would assume he was my boyfriend. "He's just a friend" I told them. But it sounded lame. The line is so overused. What could I tell them? "He's great with a cane"? So now whenever someone from one aspect of my world slips into the other (like a co-worker who ended up in the same hotel as the last spanking party I attended) the feeling of unreality is alive and well. I came to the decision very early on that I wasn't going to have two lives. Keeping them separated takes more energy than I have. So, of course, they are going to mix once in awhile. It's true we're different things to the different people in our lives. I'm just glad that, to at least a few of them, I'm a lovable brat that they can spank.
That in itself is unreal :-)
That's all for tonight. Pleasant dreams, everyone!

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