Before And After

Like many of you out there, I think about my life in two ways: the way it was before I got active in the scene and how my life has changed since I made that decision. I sat down recently and made a serious effort to list the ways my life has changed, both for better and worse.
Before I got into the scene, my life pretty much consisted of working full time, bowling once a week in a league (I was pretty good at it by the time I finally had to give it up---for lack of free time LOL), scavenging the flea markets and antique malls looking for the glass I collected and watching baseball on television. Pretty lame, huh? My circle of friends was small and their lives were just as lame as mine. I was ready for a change. By the time I finally got hooked up to the Internet, I was 40-years-old and knew that something had to happen or I was always going to have this kind of life.
Actually, my twin sister was the catalyst for this change. One day she told me she had found a Yahoo group that was located in our home state and that they not only had a mailing list, but actually got together for parties. And they welcomed new members. So we made a deal. She would join the group, post a little and see if she created any interest. She chose the scene name Cigi (sort of her initials spelled out) and started posting. Sure enough, people were interested. There was a party approaching and a couple of members saw to it that she got to attend. I had to work that weekend and sat by jealously while she packed for her trip. She returned that Sunday and came to my place of business to tell me how it had gone. She told me excitedly "You HAVE to join! I told everyone I had a twin!" So two months later, I attended my first party. Some of my feelings about that were discussed in my previous entry. I chatted with people and made play dates and finally had the busy social life I wanted. But that wasn't the only way my life changed. I met people who were far more sophisticated than I was. I've met people from New York to California. I've met people from England, Ireland, China and South Africa. This is a life I never even imagined. I could never go back to being that pathetic person I was--a person whose fantasies went unfulfilled. Ten years ago (if blogs had existed then) I would never have put my private feelings out there for others to read. Now I feel more confident and sure of myself. Why? Because I get spanked. It's hard to explain, but summoning the courage to take that first step gave me the courage to do other things I thought I was too afraid to try. I'm not saying I've taken up skydiving or anything, but I've made some other changes that I would never have had the courage to make had it not been for getting into the scene.
So just like those pictures of people who have lost a lot of weight, before and after can sometimes be startling.

Keeping It Unreal

Have you ever had a feeling that things aren't what they seemed? Times when things just felt a little out of place? Scientists have a name for that feeling. They call it time displacement and it's a very real phenomenon. I remember one vivid occasion when I felt this feeling very strongly. It was probably the same feeling Dorothy had when she exclaimed "Toto, I have the feeling we're not in Kansas anymore." It was when I walked into the party suite at my first-ever spanking party. Time literally stood still as I drank in the sights and sounds. I arrived pretty early so the party had really not started yet. But my mind was occupied with processing what would be taking place later that evening. The room was the sort of room one expects to find in a hotel. The people were all normal looking. They stood in small groups, some talking about things that had happened since the last party, catching up with each other basically. I remember very clearly being somewhat puzzled because people were talking about everything except spanking. The feeling I had was so strange and so unreal that I thought at first I had wondered into the wrong room. Suddenly, while I was still overwhelmed by the thought that no one was discussing why we were there, it seemed like a switch was thrown and things sped up in my mind. People began to come up and talk to me. I was welcomed to the fold like an old friend. I've been to a lot of parties over the years and now, when I see a newbie standing there with that lost look on their face, I know how they're feeling. Like Dorothy after the house landed.
That feeling of un-reality remains with some of us for the duration of our stay in the scene. Everytime I walk into a hotel for a party, I get the same feeling--that I can't believe I'm there. It's a fleeting feeling these days. Here one minute and gone the next. But still there. As elusive as that feeling is, I try to hang onto it because it's one of the few things that has remained unchanged since I began in the scene.
Once, a few years ago, a spanking friend I was getting together with regularly surprised me by coming to see me at my new job. Now remember that I said in my previous entry that I wanted my spanking life to be my real life. But seeing him walk into my place of employment gave me another one of those unreal feelings--like the two parts of my life were merging. I knew I would have to explain who he was to my curious co-workers who would assume he was my boyfriend. "He's just a friend" I told them. But it sounded lame. The line is so overused. What could I tell them? "He's great with a cane"? So now whenever someone from one aspect of my world slips into the other (like a co-worker who ended up in the same hotel as the last spanking party I attended) the feeling of unreality is alive and well. I came to the decision very early on that I wasn't going to have two lives. Keeping them separated takes more energy than I have. So, of course, they are going to mix once in awhile. It's true we're different things to the different people in our lives. I'm just glad that, to at least a few of them, I'm a lovable brat that they can spank.
That in itself is unreal :-)
That's all for tonight. Pleasant dreams, everyone!

First Entry

Hello, everyone. This blogging thing is totally new to me, but I have read other blogs and liked them and felt it was time to try my own hand at this. As the title suggests, this blog will be all about spanking--everything from the silly to the serious--but always positive (well, almost always).
First of all, let's be honest. The scene is filled with single women like me--not as young, firm or thin as we used to be. How then does an older but no less enthusiastic woman make herself stand out? The truth is, I didn't. When I first became active in the scene, I was determined to be exactly who I am. I'm not an actress. I can't play a role, no matter how much it might make my life easier. I didn't develop a scene name. Nor did I buy a separate wardrobe for parties. When I attended my first party five years ago, the way everyone saw me was exactly the way my friends and family saw me. I didn't change anything about myself. This was it for me. I didn't want this to be my fantasy life. I wanted it to be my real life. I had no desire to live a "double life". Frankly, I don't have the energy. That's not to say that my life is an open book and everyone knows everything about me. I still have to be discreet. But many people know this about me. And we're all cool with it.
People may like what I write or they may hate it. But it's been my experience that the scene is something different for all those who choose to partake. The vanilla world may not understand us, but we understand each other. If not fully, then at least to the degree that we're doing something that society views as outside the norm. They believe that we live in a warped, twisted world where people hurt each other. Believe me, the friends I've made in the scene are among my dearest. Being in the scene has enriched my life and allowed me to meet people I would never have met had I chosen to let my spanking urges lie dormant.
What do you all think? Is your life richer for being in the scene? Are you freer to express yourself honestly to your scene friends than you are your vanilla ones? Just throwing out some general questions to get the ball rolling here. I'm anxious to hear your responses.