Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Be Cool, Or Be Cast Out

I know how some people who read this will take it, really I do. It will look like just another rant from a bitter old woman about how the scene isn't the same blah, blah, blah. And if that's how certain of you reading this want to take it, that's fine with me. Take it any way you want to. But there have been things happening on Fetlife recently that have totally proven my theory that a double standard exists in the spanking scene. 

Let me start by explaining a couple of things to those of you who don't frequent the spanking party circuit. I have been attending spanking parties for a long time now (like, more than a decade) and so I'm not merely speculating here. I've witnessed things firsthand. So before you get your ass hairs up, hear me out. Within the spanking party realm, there are two groups of people, the Cook Kids and the Not-So-Cool Kids. If you're in the first group, you have it made. Congratulations. This means that you can move in the highest echelons of the spanking community at large. You are popular everywhere you go, not just in your local group. People flock to you and want to play with you so you probably have to do some juggling to fit all your play in. Cool for you. You'll probably never know the sting of rejection (and anyone who wouldn't want to play with you is just not even worth thinking about, right?).Everyone will agree with everything you say because to do otherwise would be social suicide. You will more than likely never know the frustration of being disagreed with, at least publicly. And if you do happen to see something negative, you can count on all your cool friends to shame the other person into silence so that you need never fear hearing from them or about them ever again and everything will just be rainbows and lollipops in your world. Awesome. 

If you're a Not-So-Cool Kid, well, let's just say your life in the scene is a lot different. First of all, your lack of coolness will be noticed by the Cool Kids so you won't be able to bluff your way into that vaunted group. No matter how many plaid skirts you buy, no matter how many cute pairs of knee highs you own, no matter how many tattoos you have or how much you show you can drink and cuss as well as they can, you will never be one of them. Nature has conspired against you and you're doomed to spend your spanking party life on the periphery, hoping some of their coolness will radiate onto you. You will never be invited to their "private" parties. You will never be photographed with them. One may actually deign to play with you. But know ahead of time that it won't elevate your status. I have played with tons of Cook Kids (and fun it was, too!) but here I am, still in the Not-So-Cool Kids group. They may hug you and greet you and say how nice you look if you meet one at a party, but that Cool Kid is simply not going to invite you to come hang with the other Coolies. Just not gonna happen. 

Now, if you're a member of the Not-So-Cool Kids group, does this mean you can't have fun at a spanking party? Heck no! You can have a great time even if you're not on the A-List. It just won't be the kind of fun the Cool Kids are having. You might end up behind a Coolie in the dinner line or get into an elevator with one. If he or she is feeling particularly magnanimous, they might even speak to you. But no matter how nice you are or how much you flatter them, don't expect an invitation to play out of the deal. I'm not saying that Cools and the Not Cools don't mix at parties. This isn't the Jets and the Sharks. But you'll never be welcomed in and shown the secret handshake. 

Nowhere is the line between the Cools and the Not Cools drawn more clearly than on Fetlife. Having been on it for six years and seen the changes that time has wrought, I know what I'm talking about. One thing that is the most obvious is that the Cool Kids get responded to--in the groups, on their writings and most of all on their photos. They never miss a party, no matter how far flung the location so they have been everywhere and done everything and looked really...well, cool...doing it. They know all the right people, wear exactly the right outfit at all times, and never miss a photo op because there's always someone there who wants to take pictures of them. So their pics on Fetlife  get a lot of attention, which spreads their coolness even further. Their writings, even when they're being acerbic, are met with "Love ya!" and "Hugs!".  Let a Not Cool write the same thing and you'll be met with "Stop bringing your negativity here. Go be negative in private." And that's the nicer stuff. If a Coolie posts a writing about how bad their day is going and how mean everyone is to them, you can expect their Coolie friends to fill the comment section with "We all love you!" and "F$&k those losers. They don't count in the long run." Let a Not Cool person post the same thing and you will be told to throw your pity party in private. Because you know, no one likes a Debbie Downer. 

This might all seem terribly unfair and yes, it is unfair. But life is unfair. I bought my helmet a long time ago. I'm not crying over it. I'm simply stating how things are. Would I want to be one of the Cool Kids? Heck no. There's a certain, shall we say...shallowness to them. That's not to say that the Cool Kids can't or don't form substantial friendships or that they don't really care about each other deep down. But a lot of things surrounding the Cool Kids are surface, it's the illusion that's important. I'm not saying that the Not Cools can't be shallow because believe me, they can. 

I hate to use the word phony but there are a lot of them in the party scene, whether Cool Kid or not. But I pride myself on being in person exactly how I am on Fetlife. What you see is what you get. I know I rub a lot of people the wrong way and some of those people are pretty well placed. Do I care? Not really because I'm not going to be someone I'm not so people will like me. I'd rather be myself and risk not being what everyone is into. Being a Not-So-Cool kid has its advantages, too. I don't have to be what others want me to be for fear of not being seen as cool. I'm already seen as not cool so there's really no pressure on me. I don't have to live up to other peoples' expectations of me. My friends know what to expect from me and they know the "real me" so I don't have to constantly be trying to impress people with my coolness. 

So I guess I'll finish up by dispelling some of the "myths" about me that have sprung up from time to time.

1) I didn't get my tattoos so people would think I was cool. I got them because I like them. Most of the actual Cool Kids I know don't even have ink.

2) I don't act younger than I am to try and fit in with the young Cool Kids. I have always looked and acted younger than I was. I got the Student Discount on the city bus until I was almost 30. Unfortunately, I was also carded a lot.

3) I use the fact that I don't drink, smoke or swear to make myself seem superior to others. Not true. I did a great deal of all three of those things in the past, I just don't do them anymore. Feel free to do what feels right to you.

OK, you get the picture. I'm not cool and I can live with that. It's the fact that no one admits that these two groups exist that I'm not OK with. It ought to be as plain as the nose on one's face. There's no point in denying the reality of this situation. Bringing this subject out of the dark and calling it what it is might actually help the divisiveness that seems to exist in the spanking party world. 


Lexi B said...

Wow ive never heard someone say that, I thought of that not so poetic but same idea
I finally thought knowbody thought that way so I was to shy scared well whatever u can guess I'm not one of the cool ones I'm ok with that I'm really open mined anyaaah

Anonymous said...

Wow thank you...THANK YOU! I'm so glad you put this out there because I thought it was just me who thought this way!

Lately I'm getting so sick and tired of all this high-school drama that I was actually considering leaving all this behind. But even if that does sound good in theory, I just can't...this spanking thing is just so hard-wired into me I could never just drop it. I've never done drugs, but I have a feeling I would have an easier time stopping that kind of addiction than this one (okay, maybe that was a bad example, but I hope my point came across!).

You actually made me feel a lot better about myself today and for that, I thank you.

Not So Cool Kids Rock! :)
-Jon Welts