Monday, July 21, 2014

On A More Positive Note

I'm aware that my last two blog entries have come across as somewhat negative. I call my blog "Positively Spanking" because I wanted to showcase and concentrate on the positive aspects of spanking and the spanking scene. But every so often (usually right before a big spanking party) I have to get a few things off my chest so that my head space can be right for the party. Believe me when I say that there are few things more disappointing than going to all the trouble to plan to attend a big blow out and have your head space be all wrong. It's happened to me and it was horrible. So I use this blog to vent a bit before parties. Unfortunately, because my entry titled "Games People Play" was listed on Chross's blog in his "Spankings of the Week", it got a lot of attention. I saw less than 12 hours after posting it that over 1500 people had already looked at it. Now believe me, I would much rather post about positive things. But in order to get things off my chest, I use my blog rather than Fetlife because I know my views are unpopular and I would be absolutely excoriated if I posted some of my ramblings there. It would turn into a useless exercise in wagon circling, where people would form factions and pick sides and no one needs that right before a party. As I said, I know my views are unpopular. I know that I rub a lot of people (some of them very well placed) the wrong way. But many of those people have their positions in the scene based solely one who they're friends with or who they're sleeping with. I wish this wasn't true, but it is. I also wish it wasn't true that dissenters are often silenced on Fetlife, but it's true. We're told that if we don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything. I can see this applying to people who just want to be rude or who love to attack people. But telling people who disagree with you to, basically, shut the hell up, that's inexcusable to me.

But I'm going to leave all of that behind. There's a party coming up in ten days. Even a bout of bronchitis hasn't been able to dull my excitement. Even after all these years, I still love the anticipation that builds up before a party. I didn't get to go to the October Crimson Moon party, so it's been a year since I've seen some of the people I'm going to see. I saw many more of them more recently in Atlantic City. And some I'll be meeting for the first time. And it's those people that I'm super excited about. My top will be with me again this year, as well as a new friend who'll be attending her first party. 

Parties, for me, have always been a kind of escape from everyday life. I can go off to a different city and just immerse myself in the spanking world, surrounded by people who felt as strongly as I did about it, even if in different ways. Our differences need not tear us apart. Even if I choose not to participate in certain behavior or I don't understand it, doesn't mean that I'm disrespecting it. It just means it's not my cup of tea. I have no interest in a lot of things that people do in the spanking scene. I have tried to understand a lot of the thoughts behind it, but apparently I'm way off target. I call the behavior "game playing" because, in truth, I don't know what else to call it. I have known for years that a lot of people need certain things for a scene to really work for them. So do I. I'm no different in that regard. What I don't see are people trying to understand me. This is a door that I feel swings both ways. I have to preface my posts with disclaimers such as "this is just me" or "I'm not attempting to speak for anyone but myself". But I see people denigrating me with impunity. No one says "If you don't have anything nice to say, then just don't comment" when people offend me. Usually, I'm on my own except for a few faithful friends, most of whom are scene outcasts like I am. It used to be that a person's individuality was what endeared them to others in the scene. Now you have to look and behave the way the "cool kids" do or you'll find yourself ostracized pretty quickly. Especially on Fetlife. If someone makes a journal entry and the "cool kids" respond positively (Breadcrumbs!", "Can't love this enough!", etc.) then the rest feel it's OK to comment. But they MUST comment in a way that agrees. If someone else (me for instance) comments in a way that disagrees, no matter how politely, or even sounds the least bit questioning, it'll be Katie bar the door. I have been told to "keep your negativity off the boards" and "throw your pity party in private". It all depends on what side of that all-important fence you're on. As long as you go along and everyone agrees publicly, then the feel-good stuff keeps rolling through the feed and no one needs to ever deal with someone who disagrees with them.

Now I called this entry "On A More Positive Note" for a reason. I'm declaring right now that I will continue to do things that make me happy and that keep me emotionally fulfilled despite what others may try to do to silence me. I have the right to my opinion, even if it is only an opinion. I'm going to remain upbeat, no matter what people say or do. I'm not going to use venom against venom because it doesn't work. I love the spanking scene and I love spanking parties. Fetlife? Not so much anymore.

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