"How Would You Like It If I Spanked You?"

The wonderful question that comprises the title of tonight's entry was spoken in a movie. It wasn't spoken by Cary Grant or James Cagney or Gregory Peck or any of the classic actors who made films back in the days when spanking was more common. No, it was spoken by an English actor named Clive Owen in a 2007 film called "Shoot 'Em Up".
I had seen a few of his films and knew of his reputation. I even knew that "Shoot "Em Up" had a spanking scene. The best thing about this particular spanking scene is that it was done in a completely vanilla context. There was no real hint of kink about it (except that the actress he spanks was reportedly very excited about the prospect of being spanked by Mr. Owen).
The movie centers around a man named Smith who must care for a newborn after its mother is killed. But this is no "The Pacifier" or "Daddy Daycare". This is an unbelievably violent film. In fact, it's so violent that it borders on camp. And, spanking aside, the kinkiest moments in the film involve breast feeding and the use of vegetables as a murder weapon. The spanking scene is almost a throwaway, but very well done. Smith is at a museum and comes upon a mother--one of those professional soccer moms, no doubt--threatening to spank her whining little boy. She's on her knees in front of him, in order to make eye contact, and shakes him a few times. She tells him "If you don't behave, I'm going to spank you!". Before the kid can do anything, she gives him a few age appropriate swats on the butt, still on her knees in front of him. Apparently, this little scenario serves twin purposes for Smith. First of all, he hates parents who hit their kids and second, he needs to create a quick diversion. Smith stomps over to her and grabs her wrist. Then he hauls her to her feet, telling her he hates parents who hit their kids. She tells him "Let go of my arm! I will discipline my son the way I see fit!". He tells her "How would you like it if I spanked you?" Now, to a spanko like me, my first response to Mr. Owen's query would be "I would love it" or maybe, in a brattier moment, "Is this a trick question?" But the lady in the museum is indignant. Before she can respond to his question, he brings his arm back and smacks her on the backside, pretty smartly, too I might add. He taunts her as he continues the spanking, saying "Yeah, it doesn't feel so good now, does it?" All the while, the woman goes hysterical, screaming "Help! Help!" while her son gets a good laugh at her expense. Finally alerted by the woman's screams for help, a security guard comes over and asks Smith what he thinks he's doing. His answer comes in the form of a hard fist to the face.
All in all, a very cute scene. And not bad for a modern film. I will not begin a discourse on whether or not spanking children is good or bad. I will save that for another entry. I would also question whether spanking a total stranger in public (and in front of her child to boot) is advisable. But the film is total fantasy and so the characters are all free to indulge in behavior that would get us in the real world arrested.
The spanking the mother gives her little boy isn't exactly earth shattering. It looks like the kind of public discipline people in my generation got all the time; a few quick swats over clothes followed by a firm promise of more and worse when the scene moved home. It happened all the time in church, in restaurants and, especially, in the grocery store. I guess a museum isn't that far fetched. The boy is whining because he wants to go home. To me, the most amazing part of the spanking scene is how fast this kid goes from heartfelt sobbing to laughing his ass off. Mom got it a lot worse than he did and he's pretty happy about that. There is a scene earlier in the film where someone cuts Smith off in traffic and he totals the guy's car for him. So we're led to believe this character is pretty much a hothead. Grabbing a woman he's never seen before and spanking her is just another day at the office for this guy. And not the most violent act he'll commit in this film by a long shot.
For a spanko, the brief spanking scene might or not be worth sitting through the whole film (with its buckets of blood and gore) for. My only real disappointment with the scene is that Smith didn't have the time or the inclination to put the woman across his knee first and make her humiliation complete. That would have made the scene a Class A spanking scene in my book. And Mr. Owen looks like he knows how spank a woman's bum, too, always a plus.