I just finished reading "The Compleat Spanker" for the 20th time (or thereabouts). I have to say that my opinions and perspectives have certainly changed since the first time I read it. Actually, I haven't read it in quite some time. I found it while I was doing some spring apartment cleaning yesterday. I wondered where the book had gone.
In case there is anyone out there who hasn't read this book, it's a small, yet fairly concise, volume that covers the basics of topping--toys, positions, aftercare, etc. When the book was first published, apparently there were no books specifically about spanking and spanking safety. The book is only about 80 pages, but Lady Green crams it with helpful information.
After I reread the book, I had to ask myself if I was a compleat spankee. Do I do the things I'm supposed to do to keep me and my partner safe? Do I make sure both of us enjoy the scene? Do I lay the scene out before it happens to ensure that there are no surprises? Do I discuss my safeword with all of my partners? I have to be honest and say that sometimes I'm not a very good bottom. Sometimes I'm not really interested if my Top enjoys the scene as much as I did. Of course, I know that there are Tops out there who have spanked me and loved it. I know also that there are Tops out there who played with me once and never asked me again. Perhaps they wanted more from the scene than I did? Perhaps the way I play isn't their cup of tea? In that case, what is my responsibility to the Top who didn't get what he wanted from a scene with me? Maybe it wouldn't have turned out that way if I had told him before the scene ever started what I wanted and what I didn't. So I have to take my share of blame in a situation like that.
In the same way a Top has responsibilities in a scene, so does the bottom. Maybe I've been a bit lax in my scene responsibilities? Or maybe the fact that I've been in the scene for awhile has made me a bit blase when it comes to the basics? Reading that book has got me thinking about what kind of spankee I am and what kind I want to be. I want to be the kind of bottom that Tops love to play with. I want to be the kind that others look to as an example of the way one is supposed to behave with other scene people. Like it or not, I'm part of a larger community than just the two or three spanking groups I belong to. Last year, I was at a Crimson Moon party and started talking to a couple from another part of the country (can't remember now if it was east or west of Chicago) who assured me they had both heard of me from Crimson Moon members who lived by them. So not only does ones name get around in the scene (thanks to the Internet) but so, presumably, does ones reputation.I've heard stories about people who have done something wrong and are asked not to come back to parties and I don't ever want this to happen to me. I want the door to be open to me wherever I go.
So, to me, the "compleat spankee" is someone who takes safety issues seriously, keeps the games to a minimum, welcomes newbies and makes them feel comfortable in the scene and also one who sets a good example for them. The last thing I want is for the doors to start slamming in my face because I did something to compromise the integrity of the scene or the group I'm in.
2 comments:
Very insightful examination of yourself and your place in the scene, Cheryl, not always an easy thing to do. It does sound like you are more blase than inconsiderate, which is much more preferable and easier to correct. To a certain degree the scene is like any relationship. You should always be courteous and thoughtful towards others. Not treat them badly as you would not want to be treated badly, not counting getting your bottom smacked of course. But respect is given as well as expected. You brought out a good point about your reputation being very important, and precedes you so people have an impression of you before they even meet you. So you want to do everything in your power to enhance your reputation and not damage it. Communication is key, just like in other relationships, and for you to be a better bottom you need to get back to what you used to do and discuss what you expect from a Top, and especially always arrange a safe word. That is of utmost importance. But as you note, Tops must also communicate with you about what they expect out of a scene so that you both can get the utmost pleasure.
Sorry to be so long winded, Cheryl, but I think all that I said you already know and just needed to be reminded, which is what you have already done by reading 'The Compleat Spanker' again.
Michael
I assure you Cheryl is just feeling a bit down about herself right now...I happen to know (I have my sources) that she is a very respectful and courteous bottom who just happens to have one of the cutest bottoms I've ever seen anyone spank...but maybe I'm biased because she's my sister. lol
Honestly, Cheryl I have never seen you ever be rude or inconsiderate to anyone in the scene...Top or bottom. And maybe you don't negotiate everything down to the letter like you used to, but I have never heard anyone ever complain about playing with you...except for when you break their toys, of course! :-)
Huggles Sissy!
Cigi
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