Monday, February 3, 2014

Entitlement Attitude

Author's Note: Today's entry is a rant. I'm getting sick and tired of people unleashing their anger on me because I don't act like a "good little girl." If you would rather not read me getting my anger out of my system then I suggest you read one of my other delightful entries.

I received some interesting messages in my Fetlife inbox this week. The first one came from a gentlemen in Ireland who repeatedly addressed me as "wee one" and "kitten". I should mention that I'm older than he is and also not a submissive. He also signed off saying "behave like a good little girl". Ugh! Nothing gets me going quite like being treated like a submissive by someone who doesn't even know me. I replied as nicely as I could but I'm afraid I scared him off because he never wrote me back. I'm sure he was a nice guy, but all he had to do was read my profile and he would have realized that he was barking up the wrong tree. Being treated like a submissive by doms who treat all women like subs has pissed me off since my earliest days in the scene. I've had that not-all-women-who-get-spanked-are-submissive argument with a lot of people. And quite frankly, I'm getting tired of banging my head against that particular brick wall. I know all of this complaining makes it look like I don't like the scene or the people in it. That's not true. I love most of the people in the scene, even the misguided ones. Most of the time I can ignore the behavior that annoys me. I'm really good at it. But this week has been a rough one and I'm afraid I lost my famous composure a couple of times. This first message got the ball rolling for me. What was going through that guy's head when he called me "wee one"? One look at even one of my pictures would disabuse him of the notion that there was anything wee about me.

The second one arrived yesterday. This guy left a comment on a picture of mine saying "Sexy sexy sexy". Then he sent me a friend request. Now I mention in my profile that friend requests sent out of the blue from strangers will be rejected. So I rejected him. We had no fetishes in common. In fact, his profile was pretty much blank. About an hour later, he sent me a message. The subject line was "You Are FAT!" The whole body of the message was "F.O. Fatty". What is it about some guys? They can go from "sexy" to "fat" in one heartbeat if you reject them. This guy wasn't some young kid either. He was 46 years old. I thought he was a dom, but apparently he's a sub. I couldn't go back and re-check because he blocked me as soon as he shot off that message calling me fat.

It's this attitude that angers me about men in the scene. As long as you're pleasing, say "Sir" at the right time, and always agree with them, then you get treated well. But as soon as you disagree with them or don't act afraid of them then you're attacked. Their attitude is "I have a penis. Therefor you're inferior to me. Bow and worship, bitch!" It's pure entitlement. I've gotten messages from clowns like this since I was on Yahoo Groups. I remember one gentlemen, whom I had never met at that time, responding to a thread of mine telling me every detail of how a scene between him and I would go. He outlined how I was to dress, what words I would be allowed to say, when I would be allowed to speak at all and what other behavior he expected. At first, I didn't know how to respond to this. I was new and I didn't really know "how it was done". I had no one to mentor me or tell me how I should respond to people. All I had to go on was my prior vanilla experience. So when I read this, I was angry. Who did this guy think he was telling me how to dress and speak? When I did respond, it was with a now-familiar retort: "Fantasy is fun, isn't it?" The guy responded to that like someone who felt he was being mocked. He assured me that, should we ever meet at a party, he would show me what "fun" was. I was somewhat concerned because I detected a threat in his tone. I privately wrote one of the group leaders and told him I thought the guy was out of line. He wrote me a private email, saying that this was just words. He never cursed at me or called me names. But if he ever made a move towards me at a party he would be dead meat.

That was my first exposure to the "entitlement attitude". It certainly wasn't my last. I got a broader exposure to this attitude when I joined Fetlife. I knew that I would probably see people who weren't mere spankos like me. Many of the men I "met" were doms and masters. One of the first lessons I learned was that they don't like to be disagreed with. They didn't like being called on their BS either. My aim is not to cut anyone down. But these guys just infuriate me. Sometimes, I lose my celebrated cool.

The guy who called me fat caught me at a bad time. Usually, I laugh and move on. But he happened to leave his "you're fat" message to me when I was feeling less than sexy and attractive. I mean, I wasn't going to say "I am not fat". I'm fat and I don't deny that I'm working on it. But it's rude to say it. Most of these guys are well practiced at knowing how to hurt a woman. I wish I could say that random insults from total strangers don't bother me, but they do. So now, thanks to some jerk with an entitlement attitude, my confidence is cracked a bit. But it will repair itself and I will set my jaw and vow never to let the thoughtless words of a jerk with entitlement attitude get me down again.

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