Saturday, April 13, 2013
Attitude Is Everything
Author's Note: This is somewhat of a rant about something that I need to get off my chest before I attend the big BBW party next weekend. If you don't like rants or if you're offended by someone who calls a spade a spade, then please choose another of my delightful entries.
As the big Boardwalk Badness Weekend (BBW) party approaches, I have found that peoples' attitudes are starting to get to me a little. Fetlife has a BBW group and the threads are in full force, as you would expect with the party being only a few short days away. I've tried to be as active as possible in that group because this is my first BBW and I want people to know that a mature, highly enthusiastic bottom is going to be in attendance. And there's the rub (as the Bard might say). I somehow get the feeling that I'm being ignored. Well, maybe ignored is too strong a word, but I feel decidedly passed over. Here's the problem. Because of where the party is located, there will be a lot of young women attending. And that's great. I've said more than once that the scene has to go on when those of us who are older are no longer physically able to play anymore. These young ladies are all over the threads--bratting, flirting and generally just being pretty young things. And there's nothing wrong with that either. It's just that I get the feeling that their bratting banter gets the attention of the tops in the group far more than my comments about how much I'm going to enjoy meeting everyone does. One of the PYT's will post a bratty comment, followed by "running for the hills" or "getting out of Dodge" and the tops immediately pick up on that. They seem to be drawn to bottoms who show a slight amount of fear, compared to someone like me, who likes to play hard and makes no secret of it. In fact, this observation isn't new. I've noticed it sense I started attending spanking parties ten years ago. It begs the question "Why on earth would I spend all the money on travel and a hotel (not to mention the party fee) and spend six months planning the logistics just so I can run for the hills when actual party time rolls around? I mean, the actual agenda behind attending a play party is to get played with, no? So why play the "Oh no! Anything but a spanking!" game? No one actually believes that people really feel this way. If they did, obviously they wouldn't shell out the money for parties. I think a lot of that lies in the personality and attitudes of the players involved in this little charade. It's been my experience (and I could be way off-base here) that many tops like to think that they're giving the bottom something they don't want (i.e against their will, consensual non-consent, whatever terminology you choose to use). It's a lot like going to the movies. You know that what you're about to see isn't real. But you are able to suspend your disbelief long enough to get caught up in the story the filmmakers are telling. You play right into their hands. You know darn good and well that vampires don't really exist, but the special effects are good enough to fool you for two hours. It's the same with a spanking scene. The bottom acts like she (or he if you roll that way) doesn't want to be spanked. She might try to coral her friends into going down with her (called "getting thrown under the bus" by most brats I know) or getting someone else to take what they have coming. This is a cute and fun game and it's harmless on its face. However, these ladies (or gentlemen if you roll that way) are sending out signals to the tops: I'm a submissive who couldn't possibly come right out and ask for a spanking. Goodness, no. That would ruin the illusion that you are fully in charge and I have no say whatsoever in what's about to happen to me. Someone like me, who either can't or doesn't want to play that game, gets lost in the crowd of PYT's all vying for the attention of tops who need a certain dynamic to feel "in charge". I enjoy the attitude of tops who operate this way: You want me to spank you and I want to spank you because we would both enjoy it so let's run with that. Now, I'm not putting down tops or bottoms who need a certain dynamic in order for the scene to fully work for them. I'm just saying it exists and needs to be acknowledged. All of this is fine and good if you're talking about some kind of relationship. But really, it's a weekend party. Can we not suspend our disbelief for three days and just have fun spanking and being spanked by each other? All of that domly dom I'm-in-charge-and-you'll-d0-what-I-say crap has never worked for me. Sometimes, over the course of my spanking journey, I've thought it might be fun to try a scene like that just to see if I might like it. But then everything in me bristles. "Cheryl, honey, you're not submissive. This would never work for you. You would end up kicking the guy in the balls."
Now I know how this sounds, really I do. It sounds like I'm just another bitter old woman harping on young women or someone with an axe to grind against the whole D/s dynamic. Both of these are untrue. I have no desire to be young again (well, maybe just a little in order to experience the spanking scene as a young woman) and I certainly don't care how two consenting adults choose to conduct themselves. I just feel a bit left out because I don't skip happily along while the other brats are getting out of Dodge or running for the hills. The smell of fake fear in the air just seems to attract some tops like a Starbucks attracts a caffeine junkie. I have met plenty of these types at parties; you know, the kind of dom who swaggers around with an attitude of "I'm wearing my black T-shirt and carrying this braided flogger so all of you bitches need to fear me." Again, I feel the need to reiterate: the entire purpose behind attending a spanking party is to get people to play with you. It's not to see how menacing you can be carrying around your silly flogger or frat paddle or whatever your preferred weapon of choice is that you think is going to strike fear into me. I've also met the kind of dom whose distance travelled to attend a party is in direct proportion to his sense of entitlement. "I came all the way from Tasmania to attend this party so all you bitches strip and kneel." If you think I'm exaggerating, I'm not. When I say I've met the two types I've described, I'm being completely honest, as horrible as those types sound. But sadly, they do exist and I'm afraid that they both will be putting in appearances in Atlantic City next weekend.
This rant really does serve a useful purpose. It just might succeed in getting my head space squared around for the party. Getting this off my chest will more than likely accomplish that feat. I hate it when a party is approaching and my head space is so wrong it threatens to ruin it for me. I'm asking all of you dom types to please PLEASE do me a favor and check your bad ass attitude at the door. Be pleasant and civil and leave your cloaked misogyny at home. You might really have a good time and get more play in. Attitude really is everything. If you think that putting the fear of God into all of us bottom/subs (coz really, they're the same thing, right?) is the way to operate, you're wrong. Sure, I guess there are a certain percentage of ladies (or gentlemen if you roll that way) who like feeling just a wee bit scared before a spanking. I like that feeling, too on occasion. But I'm talking about biting your nails to the quick and needing to run to the nearest restroom to whoops your cookies kind of scared. In my opinion, there's no place for that at a fun spanking party. If that's how you roll, good luck finding women to play with, matey.
I don't know why I'm feeling this way. Maybe it has something to do with yesterday's post? Maybe I'm feeling like too much woman for some people right now :)