Having been in the scene for a number of years now, I was shocked to learn recently that I was a member of a cult. Yes, you heard that right; a cult. Like the Unification Church or the Branch Davidians...those kinds of cults with charismatic leaders and brainwashed followers. You may ask yourself "How did this happen and why didn't I know it?" Well, here's the story.
I have several vanilla friends who know what I'm into. One has even seen my rather extensive toy collection. Anyway, I was talking about the spanking party I attended in November and this one friend acted (or I should say REacted) like I had been drugged, wrapped in a bundle, thrown into the trunk of a car and then driven off to a secret location where men had their way with me repeatedly against my will. He said "When will you wake up and realize that you're just doing it because society expects it from you?" Now I have to tell you this friend of mine is so liberal he makes Nancy Pelosi look like Glen Beck. I would have thought that having control over the way I practice my kink would have his approval, but, no. In his estimation, any woman who subjects herself to "correction" from a man is throwing womens' rights back a hundred years. I had to correct him on that score. I told him I don't get spanked for discipline or so that a man can have control over me or influence my behavior. I do it because, to me, it's fun. I told him it was harmless amusement. He begged to differ and that's when he dropped the "C" bomb.
"The entire thing is a cult. Think about it. The men get everything their way. If a woman disagrees or disobeys, she can expect to be made an example of. "
I asked him how long he'd been in the scene that he knew so much. He said it was just observation based on mass media exposure that BDSM has had over the years. Oh yeah...the odd mention of BDSM on "CSI" or "Law And Order" is really an accurate representation of the scene. I assured him that no one forced me into the spanking scene. I got into it for the same reason many others do--I had a strong desire to be spanked and sought out a group where that could happen. He argued that that's the exact definition of a cult; a group of people who fulfill a need for other members. He went on the talk about the "secret activities" that go on behind closed doors; activities the public is largely unaware of. Most people know the sad story of the Branch Davidians or how the Reverend Jim Jones somehow got over 900 of his members to drink poisoned Kool-Aid. In fact, the mass suicide at Jonestown has become ingrained in our language. Anytime someone is accused of "drinking the Kool-Aid" the connotation is that that person has done something that's against their better judgment because everyone else is doing it and they don't want to seem to go against the tide. Was he serious? He's comparing the tragedy that happened in the jungle that horrible November day back in 1978 to what we do at spanking parties? He rather smugly told me that the women "don't really want to be there; that they're just trying to snag a man and they think being obedient is only way to do it." He was out of his mind and didn't have a clue. If he hadn't been a friend, I might have laughed at him. Instead, I made a grave error. I attempted to change his way of thinking by educating him about the realities of the spanking scene. I explained SSC and the "no means no" philosophy. He shook his head dismissively. Mere rhetoric, he assured me. He told me that, like Jim Jones, the people who run the various spanking groups and clubs have simply put the poison in something that anyone would swallow. He said they usually discourage individuality. You're expected to think the way the rest of the group thinks. I told him I had never gone with the flow. I had questioned and investigated and come to my own conclusions. He told me flatly that I had been brainwashed just like everyone else.
I guess he just can't get his mind around a woman who made a conscious decision and then acted on it totally independently. According to my friend, the people in the scene are all just a bunch of brain dead zombies doing what their puppeteers tell them to do. His comments almost made me question why I have him for a friend. I have known this guy for many, many years. Long before I got into the scene we and several others had spirited debates over long games of Trivial Pursuit. We had discussed every subject under the sun over endless plates of nachos at our favorite Mexican place (until, alas, they went out of business). He seems to forget all the things I taught him how to do. I taught him how to eat with chopsticks, how to load a 35mm camera, how to make homemade spaghetti sauce (from my own recipe) and many other things that I'm sure enriched his life beyond measure. OK, so I might be over dramatizing here. But my point is that he seems to trivialize the things I know. What does knowing how to use chopsticks amount to in this world anyway? Apparently, this guy knows the secrets of the universe. He knows what every person is thinking and what their intentions are. He really came across as arrogant. I had never seen him in this light before. It was eye opening to say the least.
I guess what shocked me the most was the fact that we had discussed my love of spanking many, many times over the years without him ever mentioning the "C" word before. Now, I guess, because I'm active in the scene, it just HAS to be a cult. To him, the scene is a place where chauvinistic men with a warped sense of entitlement hurt women with impunity. I asked him about the men who get spanked by women. He seemed a bit lost there. He stuttered and puffed his chest. Real men, he told me, don't get spanked. Personally, I have no opinion on men who get spanked. But I was shocked again by his reply. It was as if I was talking to him for the first time. This wasn't the guy who helped me change my first tire. This person was a stranger. A cult? This was what he thought? The more I talked, the more adamant he became that he was right. I was just too "indoctrinated" to know any better.
And so it goes. I thought I was pretty open minded when it came to most things spanking-related. But I guess I'm not open minded enough to deal with someone who calls a group of people I've had nothing but fun with a cult.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go have a tall glass of Kool-Aid.